The death of a fairy

The water have cave in..
Splashing against my wall
Shaping a different me,
Just 3 more days till a milestone.
A milestone because I miss it, the tiny thought of happiness in the morning, forcing a simple smile.

Out of breath, we've never reach that milestone.
6 years of waiting, and none achieve yet.

It's okay, the train is getting packed, you need room to breath, you need a familiar ground where you can catch your air.
The train is moving...
Leaving you behind, all I can see is just reflection of me and a distance you. I weep quietly, without saying goodbye, so quiet that only my heart hears me.

That sinking feeling it's taking shape, overshadowing my head and back to haunt.
I waved but noone looked,
I called your name and all i get is echo,
I whisper in the dark,
cried underneath my blanket, so it stays there.

So noone knows. Noone will ever know.

My words, they all seem so clear to me. It was the longest 1 hour of my life.
I stood there helplessly, praying, hoping that it was just a bad dream.
Clearly I was holding back and fighting with my tears. I didnt want you to see me in that state. I want you to see I'm okay, so you'll be okay.
My heart bleeds a little whenever I see you cry.

I swallowed my pain and hit the road.
All i remembered was the butterfly in my tummy. How it got there and vanished into thin air.

That night, that candlelid dinner, the rain, the blue blue top, it was perfect. It was like a fairy tale to me. My own chick flick to tell my children.You sitting opposite from an optimistic fool, that laugh, that giggle, oh i can still hear it ringing in my head.

You were wearing that green top when you agreed.
I can see you smiling brightly eventhough it wasn't well lid.
That same green top yesterday. but it wasn't a smile i saw, it was sadness.
I wish i can take it all away and put back the rainbow in your face.

I dont want to be all the wrong reasons,
I dont want us to have doubts
I wished you didnt think,
I wished you knew.

We all think we’re going to be great and we feel a little bit robbed when our expectations aren’t met.
But sometimes our expectations sell us short.
Sometimes the expected simply pales in comparison to the unexpected. You got to wonder why we cling to our expectations, because the expected is just what keeps us steady. Standing. Still. The expected's just the beginning, the unexpected is what changes our lives.

I didn't want to let you go. Didn't want to let you slip right through my fingers because it was my happiness.
I still hope to be that guy that will go through thick and thin with you.
I still hope to be that guy who will hold your hands and cross the road.
I still hope to be that guy that pops up in front of you whenever you're having a bad day
I still hope to be that guy who will listen to your problems and give you courage
I still hope to be that guy who could shed some light when all you see is darkness
I still hope... because hope is what I'm counting on to get me through this.

I decided that its better to live with the lie than to expose my true feelings
I may not be the one you love today and you don't want to do this.
I'm up there waiting for you to fall in my arms, and I know you don't want to come.
I know you don't want to come but you'll come anyway because you love me.
And if i loved you - if I loved you, not the woman that I'm trying to make you be, not the woman that I'm hoping you'll become - but you.
If i did, I wouldn't be there waiting for you. I'd be letting you go.
I'll let you go for now, hoping one day you'll fly back to me
Because i think you're worth the wait.

My wannabe. Like a broken record, it plays. I'm sure. I'm certain, for once,
I actually loved someone.