Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Shadow of the Day
Why do we run from the things we fear most
Why do we sit alone for hours, waiting, hoping?
Are we afraid to face the truth and does the truth really hurt?
Isn't the truth better than a misguided road?
My curiosity is eating me inside out, just to know what's beneath the water
The surface is not good enough,
I'm aware of that, because i'm briskly touching it with my foot.
Water is icy cold, cold enough to keep me away because I'm afraid of shiver
Dive deeper, i'm certain if i go deeper, it will only be warmer.
I really want to see the corals or embrace the fishes or perhaps just to explore beneath the sea's mystery
But I can't, not because i don't know how to swim,
I can't mainly because whenever i prepare myself, I see sharks circling around, waiting for its next meal out of me.
Its not very inviting.
But this, this thing you're doing to me, it hurts. This winter, the part where you've gone cold, it's soul hurting.
It hurts like hell.
I can't describe the pain because everytime I think about it, it feels as though someone's stabbing it with a knife. It gets even painful when you're there and I'm here and this wall has made its blind presence.
I've lost you once before, and I just don't want to lose you again as a friend.
Clearly, we don't talk anymore, we don't hang out like we always do on Friday nights, we skipped ice cream and long night chats in mamak stalls.
I miss your presence,and just being there is enough to feel alive.
What have we become? Have I miss something that I should have see with my two blind eyes?
I miss you. I still do. I know I shouldn't, but I can't help it.
I meant to tell you, but every single time when I build enough courage to talk to you,
you had this fullstop and it came crashing down on me yet again.
I wish for many things, and 1 of them is for you to be happy.
It breaks my heart to see you sad and clearly you've found happiness once again through your words. Sometimes, just sometimes, I wished it was me that you wrote about.
Well, even love unreturned has its rainbow.
Why do we sit alone for hours, waiting, hoping?
Are we afraid to face the truth and does the truth really hurt?
Isn't the truth better than a misguided road?
My curiosity is eating me inside out, just to know what's beneath the water
The surface is not good enough,
I'm aware of that, because i'm briskly touching it with my foot.
Water is icy cold, cold enough to keep me away because I'm afraid of shiver
Dive deeper, i'm certain if i go deeper, it will only be warmer.
I really want to see the corals or embrace the fishes or perhaps just to explore beneath the sea's mystery
But I can't, not because i don't know how to swim,
I can't mainly because whenever i prepare myself, I see sharks circling around, waiting for its next meal out of me.
Its not very inviting.
But this, this thing you're doing to me, it hurts. This winter, the part where you've gone cold, it's soul hurting.
It hurts like hell.
I can't describe the pain because everytime I think about it, it feels as though someone's stabbing it with a knife. It gets even painful when you're there and I'm here and this wall has made its blind presence.
I've lost you once before, and I just don't want to lose you again as a friend.
Clearly, we don't talk anymore, we don't hang out like we always do on Friday nights, we skipped ice cream and long night chats in mamak stalls.
I miss your presence,and just being there is enough to feel alive.
What have we become? Have I miss something that I should have see with my two blind eyes?
I miss you. I still do. I know I shouldn't, but I can't help it.
I meant to tell you, but every single time when I build enough courage to talk to you,
you had this fullstop and it came crashing down on me yet again.
I wish for many things, and 1 of them is for you to be happy.
It breaks my heart to see you sad and clearly you've found happiness once again through your words. Sometimes, just sometimes, I wished it was me that you wrote about.
Well, even love unreturned has its rainbow.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Lost highway
Road
I'm standing here, staring down at a road
The road that I'm going to travel down
Weeds overgrown, path narrow
And I don't even know
Where is it going to lead me to
All I can do is believe in my own ability
Ability to find my own way
And to defend myself
Before I even start my journey
I see temptations all around
Few more roads which seems shorter
Wider and easier to travel
However, they lead to different destination
I know the road I chose is full of obstacles
But if I don't try, I won't know
I can't crawl out of it telling you...
it's worth it after all
I'm standing here, staring down at a road
The road that I'm going to travel down
Weeds overgrown, path narrow
And I don't even know
Where is it going to lead me to
All I can do is believe in my own ability
Ability to find my own way
And to defend myself
Before I even start my journey
I see temptations all around
Few more roads which seems shorter
Wider and easier to travel
However, they lead to different destination
I know the road I chose is full of obstacles
But if I don't try, I won't know
I can't crawl out of it telling you...
it's worth it after all
Thursday, October 11, 2007
At the shores of another dream
Standing on the edge of reason
leaning toward the unfamiliar
will this be another season
a fading dream that slowly wither away
in my mind i can see this feeling of bliss
runaway from things i wont miss
drawn to only what could be
never really knowing what you mean to me
what you mean to me
no matter how close no one really knows
the fire that grows
if i could only show you something real this time
despite of all this emptiness i feel inside
cause all i ask of you this time
is look beyond the things i said that didn’t shine
and try to understand the shades of gray and all of my mistakes
leaning toward the unfamiliar
will this be another season
a fading dream that slowly wither away
in my mind i can see this feeling of bliss
runaway from things i wont miss
drawn to only what could be
never really knowing what you mean to me
what you mean to me
no matter how close no one really knows
the fire that grows
if i could only show you something real this time
despite of all this emptiness i feel inside
cause all i ask of you this time
is look beyond the things i said that didn’t shine
and try to understand the shades of gray and all of my mistakes
Road to Recovery
I've walked this familiar road before, how long ago was it before?
The well lid neighborhood, the fallen leaves, and the distance sound of cars.
They work well with headphones in my ear.
How sad a song can be, it's not as sad as having the thought of u in my mind.
Where are you now, I ask myself. It's been 2 long days, and we've already drifted apart.
I'm not letting the worse get into my anatomy. This pain,this loneliness,I can handle it because I've tasted it before. I need to, i will try for now. Let it not be a cycle,but a circle of recovery.
If I could write a song, I would write like the fisherman who lost his family.
Who had his love robbed away from him tragically.
Nothing is as miserable as finding what you don't want to hear.
No matter how hard we cry, it will never bring back the pieces together. Time is what we seek comfort to. Only time can tell how long we have to suffer. The worse part is, it's not guaranteed. The scar, the reason why it's there in the first place, will always serve as a reminder.
The scar remind us that its real.
Bad memories linger around like hungry vultures. Surround us when we're alone, and eat us up again when we feel happiness again. I'm trying to lock it away and never look back. Throw the key into the deepest ocean and never retrieve it. I'm on my way to the ocean. The journey is far when you have to walk alone... but I'll get there.
I'm walking my road of recovery. It takes time, but once I'm there, I hope my rainbow will be waiting. Even if it's a faint one, i will still force a smile.
The well lid neighborhood, the fallen leaves, and the distance sound of cars.
They work well with headphones in my ear.
How sad a song can be, it's not as sad as having the thought of u in my mind.
Where are you now, I ask myself. It's been 2 long days, and we've already drifted apart.
I'm not letting the worse get into my anatomy. This pain,this loneliness,I can handle it because I've tasted it before. I need to, i will try for now. Let it not be a cycle,but a circle of recovery.
If I could write a song, I would write like the fisherman who lost his family.
Who had his love robbed away from him tragically.
Nothing is as miserable as finding what you don't want to hear.
No matter how hard we cry, it will never bring back the pieces together. Time is what we seek comfort to. Only time can tell how long we have to suffer. The worse part is, it's not guaranteed. The scar, the reason why it's there in the first place, will always serve as a reminder.
The scar remind us that its real.
Bad memories linger around like hungry vultures. Surround us when we're alone, and eat us up again when we feel happiness again. I'm trying to lock it away and never look back. Throw the key into the deepest ocean and never retrieve it. I'm on my way to the ocean. The journey is far when you have to walk alone... but I'll get there.
I'm walking my road of recovery. It takes time, but once I'm there, I hope my rainbow will be waiting. Even if it's a faint one, i will still force a smile.
Monday, October 8, 2007
The death of a fairy
The water have cave in..
Splashing against my wall
Shaping a different me,
Just 3 more days till a milestone.
A milestone because I miss it, the tiny thought of happiness in the morning, forcing a simple smile.
Out of breath, we've never reach that milestone.
6 years of waiting, and none achieve yet.
It's okay, the train is getting packed, you need room to breath, you need a familiar ground where you can catch your air.
The train is moving...
Leaving you behind, all I can see is just reflection of me and a distance you. I weep quietly, without saying goodbye, so quiet that only my heart hears me.
That sinking feeling it's taking shape, overshadowing my head and back to haunt.
I waved but noone looked,
I called your name and all i get is echo,
I whisper in the dark,
cried underneath my blanket, so it stays there.
So noone knows. Noone will ever know.
My words, they all seem so clear to me. It was the longest 1 hour of my life.
I stood there helplessly, praying, hoping that it was just a bad dream.
Clearly I was holding back and fighting with my tears. I didnt want you to see me in that state. I want you to see I'm okay, so you'll be okay.
My heart bleeds a little whenever I see you cry.
I swallowed my pain and hit the road.
All i remembered was the butterfly in my tummy. How it got there and vanished into thin air.
That night, that candlelid dinner, the rain, the blue blue top, it was perfect. It was like a fairy tale to me. My own chick flick to tell my children.You sitting opposite from an optimistic fool, that laugh, that giggle, oh i can still hear it ringing in my head.
You were wearing that green top when you agreed.
I can see you smiling brightly eventhough it wasn't well lid.
That same green top yesterday. but it wasn't a smile i saw, it was sadness.
I wish i can take it all away and put back the rainbow in your face.
I dont want to be all the wrong reasons,
I dont want us to have doubts
I wished you didnt think,
I wished you knew.
We all think we’re going to be great and we feel a little bit robbed when our expectations aren’t met.
But sometimes our expectations sell us short.
Sometimes the expected simply pales in comparison to the unexpected. You got to wonder why we cling to our expectations, because the expected is just what keeps us steady. Standing. Still. The expected's just the beginning, the unexpected is what changes our lives.
I didn't want to let you go. Didn't want to let you slip right through my fingers because it was my happiness.
I still hope to be that guy that will go through thick and thin with you.
I still hope to be that guy who will hold your hands and cross the road.
I still hope to be that guy that pops up in front of you whenever you're having a bad day
I still hope to be that guy who will listen to your problems and give you courage
I still hope to be that guy who could shed some light when all you see is darkness
I still hope... because hope is what I'm counting on to get me through this.
I decided that its better to live with the lie than to expose my true feelings
I may not be the one you love today and you don't want to do this.
I'm up there waiting for you to fall in my arms, and I know you don't want to come.
I know you don't want to come but you'll come anyway because you love me.
And if i loved you - if I loved you, not the woman that I'm trying to make you be, not the woman that I'm hoping you'll become - but you.
If i did, I wouldn't be there waiting for you. I'd be letting you go.
I'll let you go for now, hoping one day you'll fly back to me
Because i think you're worth the wait.
My wannabe. Like a broken record, it plays. I'm sure. I'm certain, for once,
I actually loved someone.
Splashing against my wall
Shaping a different me,
Just 3 more days till a milestone.
A milestone because I miss it, the tiny thought of happiness in the morning, forcing a simple smile.
Out of breath, we've never reach that milestone.
6 years of waiting, and none achieve yet.
It's okay, the train is getting packed, you need room to breath, you need a familiar ground where you can catch your air.
The train is moving...
Leaving you behind, all I can see is just reflection of me and a distance you. I weep quietly, without saying goodbye, so quiet that only my heart hears me.
That sinking feeling it's taking shape, overshadowing my head and back to haunt.
I waved but noone looked,
I called your name and all i get is echo,
I whisper in the dark,
cried underneath my blanket, so it stays there.
So noone knows. Noone will ever know.
My words, they all seem so clear to me. It was the longest 1 hour of my life.
I stood there helplessly, praying, hoping that it was just a bad dream.
Clearly I was holding back and fighting with my tears. I didnt want you to see me in that state. I want you to see I'm okay, so you'll be okay.
My heart bleeds a little whenever I see you cry.
I swallowed my pain and hit the road.
All i remembered was the butterfly in my tummy. How it got there and vanished into thin air.
That night, that candlelid dinner, the rain, the blue blue top, it was perfect. It was like a fairy tale to me. My own chick flick to tell my children.You sitting opposite from an optimistic fool, that laugh, that giggle, oh i can still hear it ringing in my head.
You were wearing that green top when you agreed.
I can see you smiling brightly eventhough it wasn't well lid.
That same green top yesterday. but it wasn't a smile i saw, it was sadness.
I wish i can take it all away and put back the rainbow in your face.
I dont want to be all the wrong reasons,
I dont want us to have doubts
I wished you didnt think,
I wished you knew.
We all think we’re going to be great and we feel a little bit robbed when our expectations aren’t met.
But sometimes our expectations sell us short.
Sometimes the expected simply pales in comparison to the unexpected. You got to wonder why we cling to our expectations, because the expected is just what keeps us steady. Standing. Still. The expected's just the beginning, the unexpected is what changes our lives.
I didn't want to let you go. Didn't want to let you slip right through my fingers because it was my happiness.
I still hope to be that guy that will go through thick and thin with you.
I still hope to be that guy who will hold your hands and cross the road.
I still hope to be that guy that pops up in front of you whenever you're having a bad day
I still hope to be that guy who will listen to your problems and give you courage
I still hope to be that guy who could shed some light when all you see is darkness
I still hope... because hope is what I'm counting on to get me through this.
I decided that its better to live with the lie than to expose my true feelings
I may not be the one you love today and you don't want to do this.
I'm up there waiting for you to fall in my arms, and I know you don't want to come.
I know you don't want to come but you'll come anyway because you love me.
And if i loved you - if I loved you, not the woman that I'm trying to make you be, not the woman that I'm hoping you'll become - but you.
If i did, I wouldn't be there waiting for you. I'd be letting you go.
I'll let you go for now, hoping one day you'll fly back to me
Because i think you're worth the wait.
My wannabe. Like a broken record, it plays. I'm sure. I'm certain, for once,
I actually loved someone.
Saturday, September 29, 2007
The Distance
The sky has lost it's color
The sun has turned to grey
At least that's how it feels to me, whenever you're away.
Until the next time I see you smile
I can't take the distance
And I'm not ashamed
That I can't take a breath without saying your name
I can brave a hurricane
And still be standing tall when all the dust has settled down
But I can't take the distance
I still believe in feelings
But sometimes I feel too much
I make believe you're close to me
But it ain't close enough
Not nearly close enough
Nobody could hurt me like I know she could hurt me
but there's nothing in this world that I want more
Nobody could take me to the places that she takes me
Places that I've never been before
With my eyes wide open knowing full well
Do I hide my heart? Do I lock my door?
Do I tear it out so it don't feel no more?
No, I risk it all knowing that I could fall from heaven
The sun has turned to grey
At least that's how it feels to me, whenever you're away.
Until the next time I see you smile
I can't take the distance
And I'm not ashamed
That I can't take a breath without saying your name
I can brave a hurricane
And still be standing tall when all the dust has settled down
But I can't take the distance
I still believe in feelings
But sometimes I feel too much
I make believe you're close to me
But it ain't close enough
Not nearly close enough
Nobody could hurt me like I know she could hurt me
but there's nothing in this world that I want more
Nobody could take me to the places that she takes me
Places that I've never been before
With my eyes wide open knowing full well
Do I hide my heart? Do I lock my door?
Do I tear it out so it don't feel no more?
No, I risk it all knowing that I could fall from heaven
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